Urgent Update:
Erection Fever Hits the Capital
NAYPYITAW, Myanmar (PNN)
Forget economic crisis, pig flu, bird flu and everything else…here in Naypyitaw its erection fever!
Another PNN exclusive: Interview with Than Shwe
PNN: So Than Shwe you really think you will finally have an erection in 2010, a long time coming nuh?
Than Shwe: Oh yes ….oh yes….I will have the biggest most successful erection in the history of the world…but please understand of course it will take some time to become mature.
PNN: …man you are 76 years old… it should be mature by now?
Than Shwe: Well I’ve only had two erections in the last 20 years and the last was…well, shall we say things went off a bit premature …but remember the erection wasn’t in my hands like it will be this time. I will keep a firm grip on it…an iron hand in a rubber glove!
PNN: Will you allow International Erection Observers?
Than Shwe: Well of course Barking Mad and Gumball--
PNN: Do you mean Ban Ki Moon and Gambari.?
Than Shwe: Yes, yes, that’s them… they are pleading to be allowed to watch. I am so popular I get emails offering help for my erection difficulties from all over the world every day. However I think the little woman, my wife, Kyiang Kyiang, has been waiting for this day a long time. She is a keen observer of erections so the honor should go to her. We don’t need any foreign help with this.
PNN: We heard you asked that people “refrain from smear campaigns and avoid personal attacks”. Anything in particular concerning you?
Than Shwe: Well when I was a young lad at school I was involved in an erection that got out of control. The teasing can be terrible you know if one’s erection isn’t yet well-formed. I want to avoid that.
PNN: And the “smear campaigns”?
Than Shwe: Well some idiot NGO was talking about running a PAP smear campaign for women…how is a man supposed to have a successful erection with those kind of smear campaigns going on! Women’s health can wait till I’ve had my big erection!
PNN: Speaking of women, we have heard that Lanna Action for Burma would like to play a part in holding your erection. How would you feel about that?
Than Shwe: I’m no prude…any group who wishes to carry out some mature party orgyanizing work…will have my blessing. But remember…a good erection is very hard and can be quite tricky to pull off!
PNN: Umm…yes thank you Than Shwe